life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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