A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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