I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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