How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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