I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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