I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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