im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize