We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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