Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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