You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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