Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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