I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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