I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize