Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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