How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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