I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize