remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
there is glitter all over my balls
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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