I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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