I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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