I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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