it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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