Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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