She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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