she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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