I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
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I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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