on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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