Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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