Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize