I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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