I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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