I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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