I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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