you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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