is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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