I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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