Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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