he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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