Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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