My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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