Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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