Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize