____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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