Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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