There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
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I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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