I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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