It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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