So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
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Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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