every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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