i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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