you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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