You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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