i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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