it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize