he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize